Ajiri Aki, Madame de la Maison
A few month’s into my arrival in Paris, a dear friend of mine, a British expat named Lucy, invited me to a “salon.” I had always wanted to go to a salon. No, I don’t mean the place where you can get your hair and nails done type of salon. But the type that’s defined as “a gathering of major literary, artistic, and political figures in a fashionable household that was common from the 17th to the early 20th centuries.” Think of Pablo Picasso, Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald and Henri Matisse gathered in the living room of Gertrude Stein to talk about art, politics and life. THAT kind of salon! I didn’t think anyone knew what one was or would have the guts to actually host one. And here I was being invited to one. Who was giving such an event in 2019 Paris? Ajiri Aki was. I knew at that moment that I just had to get to know this original creature.
Ajiri was born in Benin City, Nigeria, but moved with her family to Austin, Texas at the age of five. She lost her mother seven years later and describes the following years as “sort of tumbling into a free fall of confusion and parenting myself.” Her father took her mother’s passing very difficultly leaving Ajiri to guide herself. Because of this, she did not have the rigid, hyper-controlled childhood that is common of most Nigerian immigrant children and which is responsible for an over production (to the glee of their parents!) of doctors. Instead, the sensitive and aesthetically minded Ajiri floated toward her real passions for beauty, fashion and art. She explains, “ deep inside I kind of feel like my mother would have been okay with my choices. She was a bit of a rebel herself.” That rebellious spirit brought Ajiri to a career in the New York magazine industry. Always having to fend for herself and hustle to make things happen led Ajiri to get fired for taking freelance jobs, but it also equipped her with the fearlessness that led her to her Swiss husband, writing a book about Karl Lagerfeld, raising two children as an expat in Paris, starting a business and hosting salons!
We are all products of what has happened to us and we become the things and people we surround ourselves with. Ajiri’s large 11th arrondissement apartment is full of art and fashion books, candles, the most wonderful china and glassware, as well as vintage finds from French brocantes. She describes her style as “old lady.” She shaved her head. Wearing headbands, too much jewelry and going barefoot are currently “her thing.” At one of her salon’s her guests included literary figures, housewives and high powered execs from all over the world. I went to buy Alessandro a birthday cake from the uber fabulous baker, Frank Barron, also known as @cakeboyparis, and discovered that of course he’s friends with Ajiri too! When I went over to shoot her for this interview, I couldn’t take my eyes off of an unbelievable card and envelope. She encouraged me to take a look. Inside was the most elaborate Christmas card from her friends, one of whom is “the nose of Guerlain.” Some people are really into celebrities. I, myself am really into creatives, people who march to the beat of their own drums. Ajiri knows all the creative expats making a life for themselves in Paris. Dear Reader, I’ll say it again, we become the things and people that we surround ourselves with. What does all of this make Ajiri? Thoroughly enchanting.
“Seriously if you have a business and you want it to be successful you have to dump your ego out the window.”
I asked Ajiri a lot of questions because so much of how she has lived her life and how she has overcome various challenges is inspiring. So be sure to grab a snack and a coffee for this interview!
-Where did you go to University and what did you study?
I went to Texas Christian University, TCU, in Fort Worth, Texas and studied Fashion Promotion and Advertising as well as Public Relations.
-Can you take us on your career journey from TCU through your New York years?
Ok this is a long one because my path was a bit windy, but I will try to keep it brief. I interned at W magazine in college and basically was the nerdy star intern who never went home, drooled over everything that came into the closet, and was often mistaken for a real assistant. I started hanging out with the editors after hours. When I graduated and moved to New York, I reached out to my old friends and they immediately hooked me up with freelance work until I was hired at DNR, which was the men’s WWD, and is now all just WWD. I became an associate men’s fashion editor alongside the colorful Alex Badia, but I focused on accessories and contemporary brands. At WWD it is basically styling, production and writing school. Our publication was weekly so we were on these crazy schedules. We had to bring ideas to the editorial meetings, hold our own castings, book photographers, locations, call in samples, and write copy. And in between all of that we ran around to shows, trade shows, market appointments and parties. I styled men, still life, and celebrities. It was a wild time. Agnes Cammock, a senior editor at WWD, became my mentor and when she left to launch Suede Magazine, a younger Essence magazine, with Time Inc, I went with her.
I was a senior accessories editor but also did celebrity sittings. I worked on some of the most amazing celebrities when they were just starting out like Misty Copeland, Joy Bryant, Kerry Washington, Chiwitel Ejiofor, and Anthony Mackie. It was busy and fun but really exhausting. When the magazine folded I felt like I needed to search for deeper meaning in my work. I grew exhausted of getting people dressed then doing it all over again.
I decided I wanted to study costume history and the decorative arts because the part of all the photo shoots I loved the most was the inspiration behind what we were doing or the cultural references designers used as show inspiration. So I decided to get my master’s in decorative arts, design, and material culture at The Bard Graduate Center. While there, I started interning at The Costume Institute of the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the Museum of the City of New York with the head curators.
After grad school I worked as a Director of Development and Production for Orange Films and then later founded A. Spectrum Projects which produced short videos for fashion and luxury companies.
-Somewhere in there you wrote a New York Times best-selling book!
Yes. I co-authored Where’s Karl? (Clarkson Potter), an illustrated fashion parody of Where’s Waldo featuring Karl Lagerfeld. But that came later after I was already married.
-You’ve managed to do a lot of different things. Lots of people have a hard time knowing when to leave a job/company/career. When you made moves in NYC, how/why/what lead you to leave a magazine/brand etc for the next?
I wish I could say that I was a wise woman who knows when to close a door and open another but I tended to be stubborn and keep doors open too long or stand in front of closed doors crying like a fool. Most of my moves came to me. I rarely made a choice. I had to learn the hard way. I know it sounds corny but the universe moved me and many times I couldn’t understand these moves or fought them even. I would have stayed at WWD/DNR forever, but I was actually fired for freelancing on the side. I would have probably stayed at Suede Magazine if it hadn’t folded. But I was in my 20s so still learning...and now I know when something doesn’t serve me any more or help me grow, it’s time to move on. Also I used to really hang on this wonderful quote by Joseph Campbell “we must be willing to give up the life we have planned to make way for the life that is waiting for us.”
-OK so tell us how you met your husband Thomas.
I was a Grad student and had just returned to New York after a short stay in Paris where I had been in a not-so-great relationship. Funny enough I had found myself alone for New Years Eve before and randomly started thinking a lot about my life so I wrote down all the things I wanted to happen that coming year. One of which was to meet “the” guy. And I very specifically described everything about who he would be and what I wanted. Believe it or not at the end I wrote “I’m going to get engaged.” The next month was Fashion Week and I met him working a show we were both freelancing for. The boss hadn’t booked him a place to stay and I was pressured into letting him stay with me!
-What?? I cannot imagine and I feel like I would’ve say no.
Yea I tried and I already had another girl from Paris staying at my apartment that week but they had literally left him stranded in New York City so I felt bad and finally agreed. In reality we worked non-stop and ended up spending only a few hours in the apartment to sleep. We got to know each other in that hectic and bizarre week. During the crew wrap party I convinced him to extend his stay for 3 more days and really see New York. And he did! It ended up being a 3-day long date with a great guy and I found myself wondering if this could be something. After he went back we emailed and texted every day and then I found myself in Paris for Fashion Week. He was away for that week but left me his apartment where I was greeted by flowers, champagne and a beautiful note. It was the most romantic thing I had every experienced. At the end of the week he sent me a plane ticket to meet him in Nice, and then we extended it to Italy. And the rest is history. We met in January and were engaged in December. He proposed on the ski slopes in Switzerland over Christmas. I was living my dream.
-Beautiful. But then reality set in when you had to make a decision about where to live. How did you decide to give up your life as it was in NYC to move to Paris?
Thomas had a more established company in Paris and I was still making my way through life so it made more sense for us to settle in Paris. I knew I would figure it out. Plus it’s Paris!
-How was the transition? What helped you?
Ooooh that transition was rough rough rough. At first I was excited for this new adventure, especially since I arrived into a new apartment in pure Haussmannian style in the center of Paris. However it became very real that I needed to make a strong effort to learn the language, find friends, and purpose. I wasn’t very successful in those tasks at first and then eight months into the move I got pregnant. I have to admit social media played a large hand in making the transition hard because I was watching my New York friends get together and life seemed to move on while I felt super alone. Those were dark days for me and I suffered from depression. What helped me? Time and my crazy love of fellowship. Plus the loneliness pushed me. I started learning to cook then invited new acquaintances over for dinner or for apéro or take out on a beautifully set table. Sometimes I never saw those people ever again but it helped me to constantly be engaging with my new world.
My advice to anyone moving here newly is it get’s better. It is very hard at first for some but it does truly get better. This city is amazing and it will teach you to slow down while pleasantly assaulting you with culture and inspiration. I always call it slow life in the big city. You will find your people and your purpose.
-What is Madame de la Maison and how did you start it?
I started conceiving MdlM April 2017 and officially launched January 2018. I buy and rent one of a kind antique place settings for special occasions and even produce events, I have an online shop and I produce my own line of locally made 100% linens. I feel like everything I have ever done and/or tried to do lead me to Madame de la Maison. Since moving to Paris, I had a video production company, a supper club, a blog, did some freelance writing, and co-authored a book. The idea came when I was sitting at my dear friend Tara’s country house, near Fontainebleau, on wine glass number one-too-many while our kids ran wild. Tara kept talking about how much I love gathering people at my table and told me I was so good at picking out the right pieces to put on a table and at picking antiques and ideas started to form in my head. Her encouragement planted a seed to turn my passions into a business. I went to trade shows to look for fabric suppliers, studied the market, and decided to set up as real business instead of a freelance side project.
-How have you managed the language barrier and the french ways in starting a business, being a business owner in Paris, gaining clients, growing your business and brand?
I have been coasting along with pretty rotten French for almost seven years because most of my friends are either International or expats. But since launching an official business I have had to really make an effort to speak, read and write. There are still so many administrative things that baffle me on a daily basis and its a real distraction from the other stuff I have do such as a marketing plan, building clients, and just styling, etc… I originally assumed only Americans and expats would be interested in my services but I was very wrong and I have so many French clients, which means I have had to speak French. Its hard but my husband or assistant help with the French admin and I cheat with Google Translate from time to time.
-What personality traits have lead to your success?
Resilience. I’m like one of those silly blow up things that you punch and it keeps rising back up. I have had so many pitfalls, disappointments, and disasters and have made a zillion mistakes. However I just pick up my mess and keep going. Sometimes I learn hard lessons and sometimes I don’t. I just have to keep going. I honestly think this leads me to success or more importantly, the strength and desire for more success.
Image courtesy of @madamedelamaison
Image courtesy of @madamedelamaison
-Where and how do you find the courage and confidence to promote yourself and your business?
It isn’t about courage!! It’s about survival! Seriously if you have a business and you want it to be successful you have to dump your ego out the window. Whatever business you created that is a service, you have a job to promote your solutions and how working with you can help others reach success. That’s it. It’s a desire to succeed and help people.
-Your dream client would be?
To be honest I don’t have a dream client. Can I say any client that is willing to properly pay for my services? Hahaha!
-What are some things about Paris that you discovered after moving here that would surprise people?
First of all French people don’t shop like Americans do. They don’t have massive closets full of clothes and aren’t too concerned with fashion trends. Let me tell you, French people are perfectly content wearing the same outfit two days in a row if they so desire. If you pull that in America, people will think you went to sleep and woke up in the same clothes. This surprised me because before moving here, I had this impression that Paris is the style capital of the world. In the beginning I tried this but always felt like people were looking at me, but now I realize no one cares at all!
Another thing that surprised me is that people rarely talk about work in social settings. People usually want to discuss politics, current events and most importantly vacation plans. You dare bring up your work or what amazing clients you have and your French friends will just look at you with empty eyes and either feign interest or change the subject.
-What traits do you require in a friend?
I need my friends to be able to turn a stereo up with me and have a home dance party that might include dancing on tables, singing, and then being able to sit and have serious conversations about life, love, and celebrity gossip.
-When are you frugal?
My Swiss husband wishes all the time, but I am never frugal.
-When are you extravagant?
My Swiss husband wishes never but I am extravagant all the time.
-What gift would you buy for a super picky friend's birthday?
Oooh that’s easy. An engraved item from Officine Universelle Buly.
-What advice would you give your younger self?
I would say to little sad Ajiri, “Oh girl…..stop worrying. It’ll all work out and the right people will think and know you are beautiful. What’s most important is to learn to love yourself and respect yourself. When you love and respect yourself enough, you will not let others treat you with disrespect.”
-Number one advice you'd give a single-and-looking girlfriend?
Sit down and make a list of what you are looking for in a man. Then visualize that man in your life. Also keep in mind that no human can serve every single purpose in your life. So don’t expect your man to be tall, dark, handsome, sporty, well read, sensitive, culinary wizard, clean, perfect, your counsellor, your father, etc…
-How do you balance being a business owner, wife and mother of two?
I don’t. There is no balance between all those roles. Like ever. I can’t help but roll my eyes at other women’s answers about “having it all.” Sometimes when I’m killing it with my work and getting a lot accomplished or working on great events, my home might be a hot mess with piles of laundry and the family is complaining of no groceries. My husband is an executive film & tv producer so he travels a lot. Sometimes I feel that I am not able to spend enough time with my kids and other times when I do get to hang out with them, my e-mails stack up and go unanswered. For me there is no balance. One thing is always getting a little neglected. The only thing I do is try my best to manage!
-What is parenting in Paris like?
I love love love parenting in Paris. Of course there are the obvious benefits of the crèche, affordable schooling, and affordable childcare options. But I love that people here don’t obsess about their kids the way people do in America. I can’t imagine the pressures and obsessions I watch my friends back in the States go through. There is no pressure here to shuttle your kids to a zillion activities or for them to be these perfect little Mandarin speaking wizards. I truly enjoy raising these children who are forced to memorize and recite poetry. I can’t even memorize a phone number anymore. Also these children have so many darn vacation days I feel like the French slowly groom them early to be these little bon viveurs. My kids love apéro, going to the cafe (I mean…my three year old asking to go to the cafe kills me it is so cute), traveling, and parties. My Parisian kids have so much exposure to life it is wonderful to watch.
Images of Noomi and Baz courtesy of Ajiri Aki.
-A hidden gem in Paris is...?
It isn’t really hidden but often over looked in favor of new and trendy restaurants, but Le Train Bleu is such a gem. This restaurant inside the train station is so insanely beautiful and the food is actually good. When I walk in to that space with the high ceilings and interiors, I feel like I have time traveled to glamorous bygone eras.
-What are your virtues?
Family, Fellowship, and Spiritual fulfillment
-What are your vices?
Champagne and laziness. Can laziness be a vice??? If it can then that is one of my vices because sometimes I love just laying in my bed and being a bum!
-A negative experience and how it shaped you?
Hmm…I sadly had a lot of negative experiences that have shaped me. Of course losing my mother at 12 years old and then immediately being thrown into a step family that didn’t share my culture was rough as hell but made me one tough kid. However if I had to choose one…I might say finding out I had a tumor when I was 13 years old. It was on my left knee and I had to have surgery. No big deal right? After surgery it grew back and I had to have it removed again at 16 in the height of my basketball and track season. I was so heartbroken but so determined to walk and run again to compete. I was out there every single damn day with my team crying and walking until I could run and jump again. AND THENNNNN the damn tumor grew back bigger and badder. I was 26 years old, the magazine I was working for had folded and I was convinced there was no way in hell I could go through this again. But I did. I mustered every single bit of resilience I had and went through a very serious surgery and recovery. Like I told you I am like that clown ballon ball thing…I just keep getting back up.
-Something about you that would surprise people?
I have a pen pal. We were connected when I was in the 4th grade and we have written letters to each other every since. Of course email and social media has altered our old snail mail correspondence but we still do it. And I only have met her in person once in my life when we were 18 years old.
-A quote that exemplifies your outlook on life?
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
-Maya Angelou
