Navigating Office Culture Like a Boss

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Any good leader of a top organization will tell you that people are the most essential ingredient for success. They would say to you that people who are good at their jobs are key, but those who excel at bringing out the best in others and moving them all toward a common goal make the best leaders, have the brightest futures, and enact the most significant change. In other words, leaders know how to get on well with others.

Look, I always try to keep it real and share my learnings and experiences. I discuss solutions and strategies based on how things are instead of how they should be. I mention this because I know that “likability” is a controversial topic. We would all prefer to live in a world where a woman could go to work, do her job, and go home, giving thought only to her competence and none to all that other messy, people stuff. I also know that what makes a person likable is highly subjective and can be based on one’s biases.

So, knowing that likability is so subjective and potentially out of one’s control, why should we consider it? Dear reader, think about it like this: A“leader” isn’t someone who simply leads a team of people below them but a person who also guides their peers and the people above them in one strategic direction. Can people be their best selves if they are nervous around you because you don’t think about how you come off? Can you achieve your goals if people walk all over you because you care too much about how they feel about you? Successfully navigating office culture is a tricky balance to strike and balancing how people think about you as you plough through your strategic objectives is undoubtedly a delicate dance. Let’s unpack it some more.

Was I the Villain?

As a straight-shooting and assertive woman, my “decisiveness” and no-nonsense style struck fear and fostered self-doubt in others. I felt this energy and didn’t mind as long as my team was hitting our targets. I often heard my “perfectionism” was intimidating. I remember getting annoyed at this feedback. I thought, “I’m sometimes intimidated by our president, and I don’t expect her to change for me. So why should I have to change for others?” I can feel you nodding your head furiously.

Well, I eventually got some harsh feedback. People were indeed terrified of me. It wasn’t just an energy I was feeling; it was a fact. After digging deep within myself (thanks to a flirtation with Buddhism) and asking myself the hard questions, I realized there were some things I could do better to be a better leader. Remember, a leader brings out the best in others. Equally importantly, I realized that my perfectionism was the source of many internal and external tensions and that relinquishing a bit of it would take some pressure off of me.

You see, my “problem” was never my subordinates but my peers. Sometimes I thought they could do better, try harder, work smarter. My feelings may have been valid, but in hindsight, I didn’t always express my expectations or disappointments in the best way. Perhaps some of their inadequacies were a result of their nervousness. Former In Vibrant Company featured guest Annastasia Seebohm Giacomini, once received similar feedback about needing to adopt a more “feminine approach” to her leadership style. I’m comforted to know that I’m in good company

The people who get to the top often do so because they’re not very agreeable. But without careful course correction, they hit a plateau or get knocked down. Thankfully, Annastasia and I both pivoted where necessary. ,

Was I the villain?

Avoiding the Likability Trap.

I’m the biggest proponent of embracing the notion that you may not be for everyone. In fact, you shouldn’t be. Women already struggle to be disagreeable, as it is in our nature (well, most of us) to want to get on with others, to build relationships, and to mend bridges. So, it may seem like an unfair burden to pile on pressure to be liked.

Sometimes, people are wrong! Or they dislike you for bad reasons, especially when you’re doing well or getting a lot of attention. You can’t and shouldn’t contort yourself according to their whims and fancies. The likability I refer to, the kind you should aim for, is one where, by allowing yourself to be human, you foster an environment where people feel comfortable being their best selves and doing their best work. One where they are human, too.

So let’s be clear: I am not advocating turning yourself into a people-pleasing sucker or compromising your standards and ethics for approval. Recognizing the importance of likability doesn’t mean tying yourself into knots for acceptance, doing others' work for them, or internalizing unconstructive criticism. Leaning into likability does not mean avoiding the truth, ignoring facts, or delaying necessary decisions for fear of disappointing others. It certainly does not mean accepting shoddy work.

Now you’re thinking, “That’s rather confusing, Nony. On the one hand, you’re saying being likable matters, but on the other, you need to get comfortable with being disliked. Which is it, girl?”

I said it was a delicate balance. I didn’t say it was easy.

You’re nobody’s fool

"10 Tips to Master Office Culture: Lead with Confidence, Not Aggression or Submission"

SCENARIO 1: WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE

Likable: You can firmly admit to your mistake and propose a solution because you understand that one mistake does not erase all the good you have done.

Door Mat: You apologize profusely and shrink away in shame, convinced you are a fraud.

Tyrant: You pretend the mistake didn’t happen, or you try to deflect and shift the blame.

SCENARIO 2: MAKING SMALL TALK

Likable: You understand that small connections make a huge difference. You make sure to ask people about their children, sick family members, pets, weekends, or holidays. You share a little about yourself.

Door Mat: In your desperation to be liked and needed, you overshare about your life and become a therapist or mother figure to others.

Tyrant: You don’t see the value in connecting with others on a personal level. You never talk about your life or ask others about theirs. Worse, you think all your colleagues are out to get you!

SCENARIO 3: WHEN OTHERS ARE SUCCESSFUL

Likable: You recognize that other people’s wins don’t take anything away from you. You give credit where it is due and are particular about recognizing the efforts of those below you or out of the spotlight.

Door Mat: You give credit through self-deprecating compliments such as “I would never have been able to figure that out.” Or you downplay your part in successes “Oh it was all Mary, I didn’t do anything at all!”

Tyrant: You take all the credit, never congratulate others or acknowledge the contributions of people who can’t do anything for you.

SCENARIO 4: AT SOCIAL GATHERINGS

Likable: You understand that connecting outside of the office can enhance relationships with your superiors, peers, and subordinates, so you occasionally attend happy hours, dinners, and birthday celebrations to show your face and be human.

Door Mat: You do everything you can at great personal cost; in fact, you are the organizer in chief!

Tyrant: These people aren’t your friends! In fact, they’re here to sabotage you, so you don’t go to anything.

SCENARIO 5: WHEN YOUR COLLEAGUE MAKES A MISTAKE

Likable: You listen and offer support and fair counsel if asked. You mind your business.

Door Mat: You find a way to blame yourself. “I should have reminded you!” “I should have caught that error or reviewed the deck again.” You insert yourself into the drama. You go around defending them.

Tyrant: You mock them or highlight the error to anyone who will listen.

SCENARIO 6: WHEN YOUR SUBORDINATE MAKES A MISTAKE

Likable: You want them to learn accountability but understand that they still have your support. You listen patiently, are honest and fair about the consequences, and help them devise a solution that can be jointly presented to those affected.

Door Mat: You throw your cape on, take full responsibility and apologize profusely to anyone who will listen.

Tyrant: You blame them, disparage them, and distance yourself from the error.

SCENARIO 7: WHEN A SUBORDINATE IS FAILING

Likable: You quietly pull them aside and speak honestly and tactfully. You come up with an action plan with deadlines and consequences.

Door Mat: You tell them what they want to hear, downplay the issues, and are vague about the consequences. When cross-functional partners complain about their work, you deflect and make excuses.

Tyrant: You quietly note their failings and ambush them at their year-end review, giving them no opportunity to improve.

SCENARIO 8: WHEN YOU DISAGREE WITH A COLLEAGUE

Likable: You make your case at the appropriate moment sticking to facts. You move on if you can’t win.

Door Mat: You say nothing or pretend to agree with them.

Tyrant: You shut them down firmly and publicly and make your case incessantly to anyone who will listen.

SCENARIO 9: WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW SOMETHING

Likable: You honestly and shamelessly admit to not knowing, allowing someone who does know to assist you and have a chance at the spotlight.

Door Mat: You shamelessly admit to not knowing with embarrassment and immense guilt. You put yourself down by saying, “I’m such an idiot!”

Tyrant: You pretend you know.

SCENARIO 10: DURING MEETINGS

Likable: You make small talk because you understand the power of human connection. You speak only if you can add value because you know that your worth is not defined by every meeting's “performance.”

Door Mat: You only speak up when called on or when you can praise someone else. You avoid making your case or advocating for your position in case someone may disagree.

Tyrant: You avoid small talk at the start but then talk as much as possible during the meeting. Your presence must be known, and your intelligence must be felt!

I’ll end this likability study with these questions: Would you want to work with or for you? Would you hire yourself? Would you want to manage you? Pause. Dig deep before you answer. If the answer to any of these is no, adjust accordingly.

If you need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to book a 1:1 session with me. You’ll immediately get an experienced and objective person to chat and strategize with.