How to Be an Unforgettable Hostess
“‘I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’”
One of my greatest delights is hearing what a great time people had at one of my events - be it my wedding , barbecuing in our garden, or at one of our dinner parties. I replay their feedback in my head, and take pleasure in the way that their face changes when they describe a funny moment, beautiful detail or ask for a recipe.
One of life’s greatest joys is to bring people together for good conversation and laughs over delicious food. Hosting comes naturally to me and I’m aware that not everyone feels that way. So if you have an interest in elevating your hostessing game, you’ll want to keep reading.
Guest Journey
The most important key to leaving a lasting impression on your guests is to look at everything through their eyes: What’s the first thing they will see, smell or taste upon arrival? Did you tell them where to park? Can they get to the restroom easily? Charge their phone? Is the music too loud? Are there tunes they will know? Go through the event from start to finish through the perspective of your guest and have that inform all your decision making. Leave no stone unturned and they will remember how they felt at your event, and that feeling will dictate whether there’s a smile on their lips when they recall it or a frown of irritation.
@becknyc
@fantineruchea
Guest List
Look, if you put together the right group of people almost anything can be forgiven. Mix it up! It matters that the people you invite mix well but it does not mean they all have to be from the same backgrounds, economic profiles, professions or social status. All that matters is that they’re able to find things to connect on and dynamic conversation can flow. The best events have a nice combo of business people, creatives, singles, couples, international and locals. Things people can connect on are: parenting, holidays, mutual friends, complimentary personalities, similar interests, where they grew up etc.
Break the Ice
Plan something to break the ice and allow your guests to meet each other, to let them each shine and get conversation going. One of my go-tos is this: Since everyone always asks what they can bring when you’re hosting at home, I often start the evening with an informal wine tasting. I have each guest bring a wine that they want to introduce to the other guests. Sometimes I specify a wine from the last country they visited, the continent they come from, their favorite vineyard, whatever. People are super excited to bring a wine that reflects a bit about them, share their story and find easy ways to bond with others.
@mrsalice
Image from @mrsalice
Heaven is in the Details
As the title of this piece says “unforgettable” hostess, and not “good enough hostess” excellence is the order of the day. No shortcuts.
So your home should be spotless, order fresh flowers, use your best stuff: flatware, plateware, crockery, linens etc. Think “more is more” when it comes to decor and don’t shy away from using playfulness (go ahead and put out bunnies for Easter or nutcrackers at Christmas). Finally, endeavor to understand your guests needs in advance (any non-drinkers, allergies, accessibility needs etc). You don’t want to make anyone feel awkward, uncomfortable or unconsidered.
Consider a Game
Don’t take yourself too seriously. After dinner, over desert and cocktails, if there is a lull, consider throwing in a wild card by introducing a game like “The Hygge Game”, or you can ask the table a thought provoking question or a hypothetical to get conversation going. For example: “What’s a luxury you can’t live without?” or “If you could only vacation in one place for the rest of your life where would it be?” I’m sure you can come up with even better ideas then these that will inspire a spirited debate, enable your guests to find common ground, to show their personalities and taste, to laugh and to dream a little.
Image by Aaron Delesie
Be Present
Do what you need to do to ensure that you are present and with your guests. Plan ahead if you’re doing the cooking because you can’t be slaveing away at the stove while guests are arriving and mingling about. You want to be facilitating conversation, keeping an eye out for guests that don’t know anyone or seem to be struggling. Be ready to intervene if a conversation topic is getting awkward or heavy. Introduce singles or people that you know have something in common.
@hillhousevintage
Image by @annaraiz_
KEEP BAD VIBES OUT
I always end on this note when it comes to anything to do with your home. Nothing can salvage a night if one of your guests is rude, mean, violent, or makes other people feel bad in any way. The company you keep is a reflection of you. You can’t control people and as humans we all have slip ups but try to prevent what you can, by skipping people with known histories for disruptiveness or people who don’t have the manners to apologize if they do inadvertently offend.
Image courtesy of Facibeni Fotografia
Image courtesy of Facibeni Fotografia