On Imposter Syndrome
“Imposter syndrome makes you think you’ve fooled everyone and that you’ll eventually be revealed for the fraud that you are. Believe me, you’re not that great of an actor....”
According to the folks at Harvard Business Review: “Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. Imposters suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence.”
Oof. Heavy stuff. There is so much material on the internet about this phenomenon. There are articles, studies and TED talks. The breadth of material should offer some comfort if you think you may suffer from imposter syndrome, as it demonstrates that you are not alone. It is a very real thing that some of the most successful people deal with. In terms of how to overcome it, I can’t pretend to be an expert, however I can draw from what has worked for me and from the advice of friends and mentors. The feelings of self- doubt may never completely go away. In fact a little bit of self doubt could be the edge you need to continuously push yourself, though it is important not to be completely crippled by it. To combat imposter syndrome once and for all, follow the steps below.
1.
Do the work
Whenever I had moments of self-doubt, felt undeserving of my position or presence at certain meetings, that others were more important than me and all the other negative things we tell ourselves, I noticed that the one thing I never doubted was my actual work. I made sure it was always well-researched, fact-based and my numbers/figures triple checked. I leaned on my team and cross functional partners who were experts on their subjects. No matter whom I was in front of, I never doubted the work. I may not have felt comfortable in the meeting, but I was comfortable with the decks or analysis I had produced. This helps a great deal because in the end, what matters the most is that everyone of all levels trusts your work. Your output is something you have control over, so make it great. Strive for excellence, don’t take short cuts and ask questions of your peers. Being confident about your abilities and tangible accomplishments to occasionally review will give you one less thing to worry about when the negative voice pops back into your head. I actually used to keep a running track of projects and initiatives that I worked on so that I could remind myself of what I had done. Of what I could do. You must find a counter to the negative voice that isn’t just platitudes, but proof that the voice is actually wrong.
2.
Get a Mentor
I wouldn’t wake up in the morning and say, ‘I need to find a mentor today’ and force a relationship that doesn’t feel right. Instead keep your eyes and ears open for colleagues, superiors, former clients or peers that are dependable and supportive, and then try to spend more time with them and to how the relationship develops. I leaned into any professional relationship with a person that I felt liked me, believed in me and wanted to see me succeed. My current mentor was a peer who became my boss and then a close friend. It was unplanned but I found in her a person that cared about me, wanted the best for me but also had an impressive career track that I could learn from. It came about naturally.
Don’t be afraid to ask for advice but when you do try to be constructive. Don’t come to a person with vague phrases or feelings like: “I feel insecure.” Instead ask “How can I work on getting passed my nerves in big meetings? What works for you?” That’s a specific issue/question that another person can help you tackle. It took me years to realize that vulnerability is strength and it makes people want to help you. Remember that if your work is solid and people can see that you are trying to be great, it will be their pleasure to help you.
3.
Be Delusional
True or False? You feel that if you actually accepted all the compliments people paid you and started believing all your good press, you would be perceived as a delusional jerk? Well, so what? You have to be a little bit delusional to be successful. Accept the praise, believe the good things you’re told. Tell yourself you deserve the bonus, the promotion, the seat at the table. You have to believe the crazy idea that maybe you are good enough! If all you think about is negative and focus on why things won’t work, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Try to adopt a ‘why not’ attitude. “Why not me?” Tell yourself you’re great. But remember to support those “delusions” with your work! Soon they won’t feel like delusions and will begin to feel like… facts.
4.
Wrestle Control Over Your Thoughts
Anxiety often hits hardest when you’re trying to fall asleep. Chant a mantra to yourself. Something simple and encouraging like “You’re doing the best that you can.” A good friend of mine who is head of global communications for a major brand said she lists things that she is grateful for, no matter how small. It’s important to shift your mind away from the negative thoughts and channel them toward the positive. Our thoughts become our words. Our words become our actions and our actions become our reality. So try to take control of your mind. It doesn’t happen by accident. It is an on-going exercise.
5.
Surround yourself with good people
If your friendships or personal relationships are full of people or even one person that puts you down or makes you feel low and worthless, it will be even harder to kick those negative thoughts when you’re in a professional setting. The ugly words will always be simmering beneath the surface. You won’t even believe yourself when you speak. Take an inventory of the people around you and start to move away from those that don’t pull you up.
When self-doubt inevitably starts to rear it’s ugly head again. Always remember that:
1.
You got here because people saw something in you
Imposter syndrome makes you think you’ve fooled everyone and that you’ll eventually be revealed for the fraud that you are. Believe me, you’re not that great of an actor. You earned your way in.
2.
Everyone else feels the same
Everyone has moments of insecurity and uncertainty. Everyone at every level is intimidated by someone. We’re all humans after all. If someone you work with always seems so perfect, so brilliant, so confident, almost like they are floating on air, they’ve just perfected the act of “acting as if”. They have doubts too. They have mentors and coping mechanisms. Part of success is looking the part, so push through.
3.
The world will not end
You will have a bad meeting. You will print a document with an incorrect number. You will not get a job or a promotion you think you deserve. You will be laid off. You will have a colleague that just doesn’t like you or believe in you. The world will not end. MOVE ON. Keep moving forward. Be better the next day, focus on the people who do believe in you, correct your mistake and commit to being better, you’ll get the next job or role. You will kill it in the next meeting.
