5 Ways to Unlock Joy in Your Life
“The seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don’t wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy”
It took me a long time to realize that my own happiness was in my own hands. I was always waiting for something to happen in order to truly feel joyful and at peace: “I will be happy when I lose x amount of weight (the goal post kept shifting), when I find a boyfriend, when I break up with a boyfriend, when I get married, when I get promoted, when I have more money” and so on, but attaching happiness to things that aren’t always in your control or in things that require an extraordinary amount of time and effort is a surefire way to make yourself unhappy. A better focus should be on finding and cultivating joy in your day to day life.
“Finding joy” seems to be a concept that is everywhere but with very little direction on how to do it. The answer could very well lie in what you stop doing, allowing and thinking. If that sounds like a battle the good news is that once we recognize certain roadblocks, the journey to joy is actually pretty straightforward. We first have to take our happiness into our own hands and acknowledge certain comfortable habits, behaviors and people that may be getting in the way.
Here are five ways you could be denying yourself a joyful existence and what to do about it.
1. Taking things and people for granted
It's impossible to experience pleasure if you don't submit to it. Make a point to notice and remark on everything you see, feel, smell, hear or taste that sparks joy, even if it's just to yourself. Tell the people you care about every time they do something right, no matter how small. Ignore anyone that tries to make you feel silly for living this way - they sadly haven't begun their own journey to greater joy and happiness.
2. Ignoring your true feelings
How unsettling does it feel when you agree to something you really don't feel is right for you, or pass on something you really want for inexplicable reasons (fear, not trusting, self-doubt)? Stop doing that. Take a breath, connect with your gut, live your truth, vocalize your needs and be ruthless about your boundaries.
3. Looking at others
This point implies so much, all of which rob you of your happiness. It implies envying what other people have, putting other people on a pedestal or focusing too much on the lives and relationships of others. You know you do it: thinking everyone else’s partners, friends, children, vacations, careers are better than yours. The quote “comparison is the thief of joy” almost says it all, but you must never forget that none us knows what other people are really going through. Behind every seemingly “perfect life” exists suffering and sacrifice. Some of which you might not personally be willing to take on to have the life or things that the other person has.
4. Expecting too much
Numerous studies have linked the key to happiness to expectation management. There’s no faster route to disappointment than having ideas and notions of how things should be. Constantly shifting the goal post will lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, and expecting others to behave the way you would is a futile exercise. Instead, re-examine your wants against what you already have and take people as they are.
5. Allowing too many negative people around you
These may be the most detrimental joy killers. The frenemies that never support you, that contradict you, belittle you, brag to you, criticize others, make fun of everything, judge everyone. No matter how much work we do on ourselves it wont amount to anything if we have negative people orbiting us and dulling the shine of everything. This point also applies to the social media accounts you follow, the music, magazines and digital content you consume. You must manage the amount of negative stimulation that is coming in. Balance the bad news, the dark headlines, vicious celebrity gossip, snarky accounts with light, encouraging, positive content punctuated with the occasional media detox.